It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
