I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
