absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
