is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
