Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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