My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
