my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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