Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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