Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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