I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
