Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My feet surprised me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
