I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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