Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
