He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
