went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
