I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
