oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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