Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
