It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
