Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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