it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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