He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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