Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
