But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
