3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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