In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
