Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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