I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
