forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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