I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
