If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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