I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
4 words: hood of his car
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
