I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
