If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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