i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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