I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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