Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
