Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
