He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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