forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
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Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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