You made me cry and you don't even care
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
