I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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