turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
