i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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