The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
