um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
