I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
