She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dick very happy bro
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
