You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
