that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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