I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
