Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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