Your face is a jimmy john
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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