so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
