I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
